My Work Experience (Day 3)

Continuation from:
My Work Experience Day 1
My Work Experience Day 2

the hiiiiiills are alive with the sound of me screaming with happinessssssss

I have a new boss!!!!!!

He's french!!!!!!!

NO MORE ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOUR FROM MY PREVIOUSLY SHIT BOSS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It was a lovely Wednesday morning and as per usual I was escorted to my desk of pure misery by none other than Rob (cause of misery) who met me at the security door. I had to be in earlier that day as my beloved (I've never talked to her in my life) english teacher was coming to visit me in my work placement (oo how formal). But of course not at a reasonable time because that luxury just never seems to strike me (naturally).

I arrived at 8:45 because she said she was going to be here at 8:30 (one of the ultra friendly -
unlike Rob - receptionists were giving me directions on how to take the bus home). So when I did arrive he was all huffy but sort of calm and said:

"Your teacher is not here yet so we will wait until 9am at which point she will be half an hour late hahaha"

oh wow Rob you are so incredibly funny I think I'll show you my appreciation of your hilarity by not laughing.

So of course he didn't bother to give me anything to do during this time because, like I said before, he hates me for no reason.

Finally at about 9am she did actually appear and Rob had a sort of disappointed look on his annoying face.

Story behind his disappointed face
My mother was exchanging e-mails with him before  my work experience (get in there mum), and I believe she told me that he mentioned getting an e-mail from a woman called 'Katie Price'. (he thought the massive-fitted woman was e-mailing him because she wanted him lol no shut up Rob in your dreams)
The fact is that an english teacher's name in my school has that name.
Therefore by observing the creature known as Rob closely, we can see that he still had his hopes up that the orange glamour model would actually show up (as if Rob get a hold of your life).

She has bleach blond hair and is a bit chubby, but to be fair she is extremely nice and upon meeting her I didn't really care, all that mattered to me was that there was now a human that I could socially interact with and make eye contact with etc.

Rob didn't know what the fuck was going to happen (he's a great team leader), but eventually decided we should all sit at a table with two tonne chairs that no one can lift probably because it seemed more meeting-ish. It was funny because Rob tried moving one to show his 'masculinity' but he doesn't have any and therefore couldn't. And then we had the meeting.

I'd never felt so fake in my life. 

PLUS what she said at the beginning just set the atmosphere up to be awkward throughout the whole session. She said:

"I talked to Kyle earlier. I mentioned how you were also at work experience in this company and he blushed."

Are you fucking serious.

Was there really any need to mention something like that. It's already awkward enough with Katie Price worshipper next to me who doesn't talk unless when he feels obliged to.

Ugh, so anyway the meeting went on like this:

"Oh wow what a building. You must love it here. I bet you love it here don't you. I wish I'd had this type of opportunity available to me back in my day.."

"Err yeah it's really eye opening. I get to experience lots of things (bullshit). So interesting heh."

"Wow yeah it really is a great opportunity, are you having fun?"

"..yeah"

And then she started asking Rob all these questions and I swear that was the most I had ever heard him speak in the last few days (probably picturing my english teacher with massive boobs and raccoon eyes).

I think I zoned out then because I really didn't give a fuck about all of Rob's different qualifications because I don't really aspire to be anti-social and whatnot, but I think he did mention physics, chemistry, maths degrees etc.

Sigh at least he's probably good at his job..

And I guess I should be thankful that he even organised for me to come her for work experience...
even if he is a complete dick to me.

After the meeting a miracle happened.

I was set free. Free of the burden of Rob's presence.

He had to go off to some sort of special science event thing which of course he didn't invite me to. (FUCKING FINE BY ME ROB BYE)

So after 'Katie Price' left the building, Rob lead me through the corridor to another office (he walked like half run half walk obviously trying to get rid of me as soon as possible).

The new team/office was on the other side of the building, the side where the sun shone through the windows (Rob is clearly a vampire).

It was weird but by just by being on the other side of the building, I immediately noticed a difference. It felt so much more uplifting... everyone seemed so much more at ease. The offices were also enclosed, so you had to walk through a glass wall (obviously with a hole), to get into the office. The offices consisted of desks pushed together in varying numbers and arrangements.

He led me into the first office on the right, from the entrance of the floor. As we walked in, the whole team looked up (all male woops). The office had probably 7 desks with about 5 occupied. The team (unlike Rob's team who have by now probably been trained to be dickheads like him), actually smiled politely and seemed generally friendly and welcoming when they looked up. But, of course Rob was still in the room and ruined the happiness with:

"Here have her we don't want her anymore"

wow thanks a lot Rob, way to end things nicely. I fucking hate you too. Thanks for the help with that excellent first impression.

I mean it would have been fine if he'd said that when we were actually friends because it would have clearly been a sarcastic joke, but I personally think it's a completely different story when we both silently resent each other.

Yeah so anyway, those were his last words and then I never saw him again. He's such a charmer.

So then he just fucked off back to his shitty team and left me with a glorious new team of possibilities. (fine by me).

As soon as he left, I was immediately approached by the team leader, who had just exchanged a quick (ie. short and boring) word with Rob (I feel you bro). He just told me to grab a chair, without introducing himself or anything, and before I knew it I was sat in front of him helping him choose which angle he should glue a plastic crossish part to a brown box (Horizontal or Diagonal). I asked him what it was for and he told me it was a surprise (how nice is he?), and that I should just choose what looked prettiest. I chose horizontal (don't ask me why).  Already I felt involved in the team, which all went back to me feeling like I was actually useful for something. After I'd chosen, he good up quickly (he seemed really excited for some reason) and probably went to glue it on.

He came back (sat himself in front of me and came to the edge of his seat so I could see the box more clearly) and showed me his masterpiece and I just loved how much passion he had for such a simple thing.

His name is Yoann. He's french and really tall and dark haired. He is the youngest in his team (even though all the other's seem to be in their mid forties) and seemed to be around 35? He was sooo nice and welcoming and I was just like 'ahhhh he's so coooollll'.

After the wooden box scenario, he actually introduced himself to me and told me about the project. (I don't think I can tell you what it actually is because then I would basically be exploiting all of their valuable information). But basically the whole team are geniuses (to me anyway), with multiple degrees in science and maths and whatnot and yet they were still genuine enough to be kind to me and understanding enough to realise that I didn't know what the actual fuck was going on half the time and so explained everything...

Basically the project is really cool and involves this thing called an 'Octocopter' as you can see in this image that I have so thoughtfully included in this blog post:

ISN'T IT FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

Yeah so after the whole explanation process, he started getting all these parts for it (octocopter was not completely built) and I was allowed to help him attach a camera to the octocopter!!!!!
(MORE THAN FUCKING ROB EVER LET ME DO FUCK YOU ROB)

He was using these weird strap things and he had to cut off the ends and he kind of made it my duty for the rest of the three days to always throw away the ends or worthless bits n pieces
(kind of like how Rob is out of my life now bye Rob forever hahahaha)

He even entrusted me with his laptop (only to hold but you know). I had it on my lap while he started typing all this code madness or commands or whatever into this program, which would control the way the camera operated.

When he finished he held the octocopter up in the air (already switched on) and angled it so the camera was facing me. Then he started tilting it and I was like wtf are you doing but then he said:

"IS IT STILL LOOKING AT YOU"

It actually was.

How cool is that?!?!

It was doing that cool recognition thing that XBox Kinect also does
(PS4 kicks your ass anyway XBox One hahahaha).

So he was all merry and jolly and I was just so happy to feel like I played a (sort of) part in this work placement (we hadn't even had lunch at 12 yet omg).

After that happy little moment (even I was excited for the team because what they're doing is really amazing), he even suggested that I sit in on a meeting between his team and representatives of Cardiff University!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT A BIG DEAL THIS WAS TO ME

Rob fucking left me alone with nothing for two hours rather than even considering to let me sit in on none other than an actual MEETING

So how did the meeting go, you ask?

Err.. well as I mentioned before, I really do not know what the f is going on in this company (in terms of advanced language in departments such as electronics) and don't get my wrong, I do try my absolute best to pick up and get familiar with whatever I can... but the bottom line is...

I kept doing that 'dropping off' thing.

You know, it's like when you're a day before your homework is due to be collected in and while doing it, you kind of almost fall asleep all the time but then you kind of do this weird jolt movement and then you're kind of awake again until the whole process repeats itself.

...so basically:

1. Bored / Don't know what the f is happening
2. Eyes start getting REALLY heavy, breathing gets deeper
3. You realise you are almost sleeping
4. You somehow remember that what you are doing/observing is important (or that high class people are watching and judging you and are silently putting you into the 'low mental capacity' category in their large brains) and that sleeping is not an option.
5. You experience a phenomenal jolt sensation that awakens your body temporarily but your mind is still like: "I don't give a crap, I'm out suckas"
6. Process repeats

This thing happened to me throughout the WHOLE MEETING.

My eyes were the weight of fucking obese elephants.

I couldn't believe it was happening. I didn't even know why. What they were talking about was probably really interesting. 

I bet it was because of the Maths.

which I am terribly shit at.

I did notice some things though...

(don't ask me how)

• Yoann was clearly the project manager as he was leading the discussion.
• There were altogether about 10 people
• They were all geniuses in their fields
• I did not belong
• Which made me very grateful
• There was only one woman (from Cardiff Uni)
• It was in the same room as the office
• Everyone just grabbed a chair (no desk, seats in certain places etc.)
• The main guy from the Uni was bald
• Although all the people were geniuses like Rob, unlike him, they were actually extrtemely good at communication and had great social skills...
• The meeting must have been 1 and a half hours long (it went on until lunch at 12)
• Yoann says that is a 'short' meeting, 'normal' ones are usually around 4 hours long (ohmahgerd)
• I noticed a guy on the side who didn't talk much and wrote down notes for the whole session. I think he only brought up something once towards the end. Sadly he reminded me of Rob.

Uhh yeah so that's what I remember from the meeting. I don't remember the content anyway but even if I told you, I would have to kill you.

No it's ok I was zoned out the whole time anyway so I only remember unimportant things

you do that anyway eve shut the fuck up

Lunch

Now if you're anything like me, you won't see 'lunchtime' simply as a time where food is consumed. No, I also see a different aspect of this 'luchtime' as quite important. And that aspect is errr..

Socialness (I can't think of the proper word ok)

...which in this instance (day) was undeniably EXCELLENTAY

The lunch hall is in a different building to the one where the office is, so (similarly to rob and his team of exclusionists) we had to walk down the four flights of stairs and track through a maze of corridors (not actually that complicated sorry I tend to overemphasise), with all these security pads and card slot things, until we reached the open air and from then we had to go through these spinny doors and into the glorious hall of food (a canteen).

We walked in looking like 'the populars' from Mean Girls

we r so fetch

except they're all full grown men

err yeah so on the way there I had already picked up a conversation with the girl who isn't a permenant member of the team and she was really nice (I don't remember what we were talking about but I just hope it wasn't really stupid because I was SO tired for no reason). When we did sit down I noticed bald regina george (see previous posts about work experience) sitting with his mean team in silence.

OUR TEAM WAS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE FUCK YEAH

They were just so open and friendly. It's annoying because I can't remember what I talked about with that girl initially, but I remember her being good at keeping the conversation going... until it kinda just stopped. Then, I started talking to the guy next to me who was kinda quiet in the meeting- Rob. Except he was a good Rob. How ironic is that though hahahahahahaha.

What we probably talked about was what school I go to, subject choices, the project, their jobs, my work experience, my school, my background (Germany etc.), they're aims/achievemnts...

Until Yoanne joined us (I didn't think he was coming as he'd stayed behind after the meeting and told me to go with Rob (nice rob)), which kind of completely changed the atmosphere and everyone stopped talking hahaha.

But it was great because he actually also had manners and social skills and we started talking just to each other rather than as a group (the others carried on talking about something else I don't know).

Yoann and I talked about basically our social lives mainly. I think we talked a bit about me and my education and family and my future.. but I was more interested in him. How he got to the position he's in, his degrees, where he studied, what language he studied in etc etc...

The thing we talked about most though was about his kids and how he's worried that one of them is not picking up the french language (he's trying to bring his kids up bilingual- so he was interested in how it worked with me too I guess). Yeah ermm he's been speaking to them using a mixture of both french and english, so it doesn't seem likely that they will be bilingual unless he speaks to them in only french...

I told him about all the apps I used to learn chinese vocabulary and how you can watch television from other languages on the internet and how he could maybe have 'french weekends' where they can only speak french haha.

Hmm yeah so I got on with him really well and it was great because I felt I finally had something I could talk about knowingly (lol). It made me realise how much more fun it is talking to smarter people. They just have such good opinions and interesting things to say, I just could get enough of it haha.

While walking back to the office, we carried on talking about how the Chinese are advancing (with the education system and everything else), which is a topic I'm always interested in.
I mean, they're so fucking admirable

When we got back, the conversation stopped kind of on instinct (time to work, no distractions bitches). Yoann went off to do something else and I was left on that chair talking to that woman again, who sadly was now beginning to piss me off. I don't know why, but we started talking about vegetarianism and she had all these stupid views like how

"Animals don't get killed in the way they used to, society has moved on from that SWEETHEART."

wow fuck you I am not your lesbian lover you have no right to call me sweetheart and for your shit information, the way they get killed doesn't change the fact that they are still getting killed all the time.

So later on, Yoann decided to tell me he was going to take me with him to do some field work later that day, which I didn't really see as anything special at the time (field work in my mind normally involves shitty science experiments with unenthusiastic classmates in the lacking science department of my school).

Being the interesting person that he is, he put it like this:

"I have good and bad news. The good news is you can come with me for the test flight of the octocopter today. The bad news is you can't come tomorrow as there won't be enough room in the car and I need other members of the team."

Woah no that's fine by me Yoann, I'm all about optimism right now
(BUT HOW FUCKING COOL WAS IT THAT I COULD COME WITH HIM TO SEE HIM TEST FLY THE OCTOCOPTER)

He didn't really know what he could give me to do at the time because he needed to make preparations for the test flight, so he said I could sit with Rob (good Rob), while he (Rob) did some drilling and put things together for the octocopter (he's the practical, handy manish part of the group as you can tell).

Good Rob was so fun to be around. He's one of those smug-sarcastic type of people who'll speak his mind and be funny about it at the same time. He has a little room opposite to the team's main office where he has all his tools and materials (screws and whatnot). A large desk filled up about half the long, slim room and the rest of the space was for moving around with the (ultra comfy) spinny chairs!!!!
I also noticed a large tool box that wasn't organised properly and looked kind of hard to organise as some of the parts (nuts, bolts, washers) were smaller than the white part of my nails.
(hahaha kudos to the unlucky fuck who has to organise that.)

We must have talked for at least 1 hour. It was so interesting. He's a strong atheist, so we had a massive atheist discussion, which was so hilarious. He told me about his idols and about recent books he's read (Richard Dawkins mainly). We also talked about his past and my past (his was far more interesting), about the youth of today (horrifying and embarrassing) and what it was like growing up when he was around my age. So interesting. I officially adore intelligent people, they're so fascinating.
Yoann came into the room quite frequently to check up on us (probably heard me laughing too loudly pahahaha). When he walked in, I did that sitting up straight thing and stopped talking quickly oops naughty eve (omg shut up eve you're embarrassing).

Oh yeah I forgot to mention that we talked about bad Rob (lol I was gossiping with Rob about Rob) and he was like:

"ugh what a peasant"

After finally finishing his work (probably my fault because we talked the whole time oops), we came back into the room and Yoann asked Rob (good) if he would be willing to kind of 'look out' for me tomorrow because the team would be out in the field from 9:30am to 4pm.
(Only 1 hour back at the office at the end of the day wtf?!?!)

He was like:

'yeahhh suuuure I think I could do that"

yeah you better fucking think so otherwise I will be sent yet again to camp misery ie. bad Rob's team where it will just result in probable suicide. plus I like u

So then we were kind of bored and sitting around (ok just me and Rob), and he was looking through his drawers (no not those kind ew) and I spotted a mysterious looking box amongst his things. So Rob pulled it out (ew) and it turns out it was this thing called a 'fart box'.

This genius in front of me owns a fart box with a remote control and keeps it in his desk, at work.

Oh my gosh, these guys were so funny. Yoann could hear me laughing and came over to see what was going on.

Rob told me that it's funny when you put it underneath someone's seat.
(he must have actually tried it out on someone lol)

BUT then Yoann (project manager) proceeded to telling me and giving us an example of how putting it in an enclosed area, like someone's bag, makes it sound more realistic as the sound is then muffled.

"SIMILARLY TO IF IT WAS BEING BLOCKED BY PANTS"

he said that I'm not even lying he scientifically approached the topic of the fart box with an explanation

so he actually put it in someone's brief case (someone working across the room) and then Rob hit the button and everyone turned around to look at him and laugh omg how I love these people

errr so after that discussion

I kind of just sat on my chair (which was kind of facing the profile of the wall in between Yoann and Rob's desks) and watched everyone doing their work (fine by me, no maths problems you know). Not long after though, Yoann got up and started doing some more adjusting to the octocopter and I was given the job of throwing away all the bits he'd cut off etc. (he always laughed when he asked me to throw it away hahaha so nice). While sitting there I realised that I didn't mind doing shit jobs like that because this guy was a respectable person.

When he finished all his work, he just suddenly stood up:

"Come on we have to go now"

"Err what?" 

"I thought you wanted to come with me to test the octocopter... unless you have a sheep phobia haha" 

"Ohhhh no, of course I want to come"

And of course we must not forget that he said this in his fucking beautiful french accent of happiness.

So in reality it sounded more like this I guess:

"Courme orrrgghn ve 'ave to go naaw"

"Err what?" 

"I thourgghrght you vantéd to courme wit meeee to test zee octocopter... urghnless yoü 'ave a sheep phobia horghorghorfhh" 

"Ohhhh no, of course I want to come"

THE TRIP TO THE FIELD WAS SO COOL I FELT LIKE HIS PERSONAL ASSISTANT. 

We had to walk down the four floors again (regretfully as that meant we'd have to walk back up again later *cries) and I followed him to his car (oh yeah I forgot to say I was carrying the instructions and the remote control and he was carrying the octocopter). When we got to his car (cute little french car like you'd expect) we realised there was no room for the huge flying machine (aka octocopter) and that we'd have to take his two child seats out. I think the reason I felt like an assistant was because he didn't so much ask me to do things, he more or less told me to do things (fine by me):

"Move these"

Once we finally moved everything out and into the car, we left the reception (where we put the kid seats temporarily) and he took two sweets from the thing on the counter for us
(HE'S SO FRICKINF COOL). 

The day was reeeeaaaaaally hot, as the rest of the week was predicted to be. The car was way too hot so he opened the windows and it was ok again hehe. I didn't know the area at all, but we eventually started driving through a beautiful nature area. Yoann had said we were going to a field that belonged to one of his friends (he needed somewhere to fly that monstercopter). I think we talked more on the way and the conversations were always interesting.

The awkward thing was that there were two gates that needed to be opened to get to the specific field we were trying to reach. SO I (being the excellent assistant that I am) had to always get out and open them so he could drive through.

AND THEN FUCKING RUN AFTER THE CAR BECAUSE HE KEPT DRIVING TOO FAR AHEAD.

So when we arrived, the surroundings were very stunning for erm ..a field. There were rivers etched into the ground that looked a bit like marsh lands or whatever.
(omg murderers no shut up eve u r being a childish bitch)  

Oh yeah and I had heels on and we had to cross this metal bridge with gaps in it and I of course fell over

...We extracted (wtf) the octocopter from the car and proceeded to (mainly him) turn it on. It had to be calibrated by being lifted up and tilted numerous times, so I helped with that. He eventually managed to get it to fly and I must admit, it was pretty fucking cool.

BUT IT WAS SO LOUD
I don't know how they would use that in the military for spy missions and whatnot.

So everything went perfectly well (ie Yoann did not crash the thousands of pounds worth of octocopter), apart from the fact that the altitude shower and stabiliser weren't functioning properly so that was a problem I guess.

On the way back Yoann was like:

"Close the gates"

and we drove past a river with Geese and swans which made me really fucking scared for my life because have you seen videos like this:

I hate geese so much like why do they feel the need to terrorise humanity so extremely is it like a religion to them I bet it is. 

It's the 'terrorise humanity for geese' religion. 

So on the way back we talked more (I can't remember what we talked about urgh), but I remember talking about the differences between countries and talking about rural and urban areas and which is best. It was really awkward because at one point I said I prefer urban, but then he mentioned that he's about to move into a really rural area in the middle of nowhere oops. I think I also asked him about the cost of the equipment and he said that the remote was worth £300 and the actual octocopter was worth something like £8000.
(they had to get funding from the Government like woah)

When we got back (after dragging everything back up the four floors and putting the child seats back in the car), Yoann told his team about the problems and the geniuses set off to work.
I, being me, sat on my chair of stupidity (no biggie) and watched everything. They realised that the problem was with the software and that they needed to install a different update in order to get the altitude readings and the stabiliser working properly (They fixed the problem in like 45 minutes wtf). So when everything was sorted for the real test flight tomorrow (when they would take readings and other important observations), we decided to call it a day and watch none other than: Fail Videos.

Of what, you ask?

=Of Yoann's first octocopter flight where it lands quite hilariously.
(It landed on all the legs too quickly and then bounded back up again and landed with it's side stuck in the ground, breaking a propellor or something lol)
it's so fucking cool how they don't take themselves too seriously and can joke around as a group

At 5pm we all finished and Yoann walked me down the stairs. I, however, had to stay behind as my dearest mother could not pick me up until fucking 6pm.

Yoann suggested I watch cat videos to pass the time.

So as you can see, this blog post has been the longest so far as this was indeed the most interesting and eventful day in my week long work experience, so applause to you if you read it all.

Best day ever. Thanks Yoann. Thanks team of cool people. Can't wait to come back tomorrow even if none of you will be in the office. Thanks for involving me. Thanks for educating me. Thanks for being the coolest people ever.

PS: I SAW I AM A PREFECT BOY AGAIN AND HE WAS ON ROB'S COMPUTER AND HE LOOKED REALLY FUCKED OFF HAHAHAHAHA

"Hi I have troubles but it's ok because I am internet famous for going apeshit"

So what have we learnt today?

Personality changes everything. You can be the smartest person in the world, but if you don't have a great personality to match, I dislike you.

Muchos love for all the views on 'My Work Experience (Day 1)'.

Tell me about YOUR work experience experience!!!!

Because baby I care:

Au revoir bitches xoxo

My Work Experience (Day 2)

ughhhh
ughhh
ughhh

As you can tell by my written groaning noises, my day was absolutely splendid. (and that was a big fucking lie)

Same routine as yesterday in terms of the time before arriving at the company. Except without anything to look forward to.

I walked through the password door behind some guy who help the door open for me, to be 'greeted' by Rob.

Surprisingly I was given a bit more work today (obviously Rob realised he needed to up his game somehow so I would have more work to do so that there would be far less social interaction between the two of us). But it was basically like completing coursework for a Science GCSE, so that made me want to kill myself. It did, however, take a lot longer than the work he set me yesterday, so I finished just after lunch with only 5 more hours to go (hoorah).

I'd gathered my thoughts about yesterday and it has occurred to me that the more and more I get to know Rob, the more I dislike him.

He treats me like I don't exist, unless I talk to him. It's just so unwelcoming and excluding. He exchanges words with his colleagues about really pointless shit (like how he has a radio interview coming up with some band nobody likes), or rather he tells them about things and they sort of blank him because he's boring as fuck. It's like I'm being bullied by the person who get's bullied by the others. What has life come to?

He's also completely up himself his own arse (stuck up). For example, I had a question for him. Now don't get me wrong, people can do this to me normally and I wouldn't have a problem with it because it kind of helps me  develop my initiative and thought or whatever, but under the circumstances I was under, the way he acted was just so annoying.

It was probably around 1pm, and I was stuck on something. I wheeled my chair into the view of his annoying self and to my astonishment, he looked at me and simply walked away. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS COMPLETELY CLEAR THAT I (THE WORK EXPERIENCE STUDENT) NEEDED HELP WITH SOMETHING THAT WAS LIKE ANOTHER WORLD TO ME (ENGINEERING).

BUT NOT ONLY THAT.

He actually 'disappeared' for 2 hours.

I can't remember what I did in that time but I probably slept temporarily.
Anyway, when he came back, I asked him again and he replied with: "Be patient"
...

BE PATIENT?!! AFTER TWO HOURS?!!! DO YOU THINK I'M THE FUCKING DALAI LLAMA BUDDHIST OF PEACE YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECT ME TO 'BE PATIENT' AFTER TWO HOURS?!!!!!!!

he finally did come over (after multiple pesterings BECAUSE HE DOESN'T FUCKING LISTEN), I asked him my question and he pulled a sort of weird face (his face is always weird and annoying but you know what I mean)

I'd seen that type of reaction many times and came to the conclusion that it was a type of "are you fucking kidding me" look.

...Guess what he made me do next. Exactly that. He made me guess the answer. To use my initiative in something I have never studied or even known about before today.

HE MADE ME WAIT TWO HOURS TO GET A COCKY REPLY FROM A COCK HEADED MAN

I don't know who the fuck he thinks I am (not a university student), but he had to give me the answer eventually, anyway.

If he want's to get on with his work, then what's the point of taking the time to wait for me to come up with a correct answer (which didn't even happen).

Just tell me the answer and get back to your annoying job.

Oh yes I almost forgot to mention.. While I was busy being bored as fuck (Rob doesn't care, he just sits around the cover from me pretending he doesn't know), I just so happened to overhear the rare conversations that Rob shares (or tries to) with his other colleagues who just ignore him anyway. They were always followed by an awkward (but fucking hilarious) silence or a forced chuckle (eg. Hehe)

I wrote them down as I heard him saying them and I always had to spin my spinny chair around so I could burst out laughing into my hand or something without them noticing (although they probably wouldn't have anyway).

Okay so here's one of them:

(remember this man is supposed to be a radio dj ie. a master of conversation)

*embarrassing ringtone on phone goes off*

"Wow I just had an invite to a meeting for Angela's Christmas Party... 

now that's advanced planning!"

*silence*

OH MY GOD I COULD HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF HAHAHAHA

At about 4pm, Rob introduced me to a guy called 'Yoann'. He's french by the way. I love French people (and all the other foreigners) because when they speak English, they tend to swear worse than native English speakers, which is funny as fuck. It's also the fact that all these people from abroad are working in a company that was approved of by the queen and worked for the royal army etc. haha I love foreigners.

Yes, so I met Yoann initially on the tour of the floor with the 'I am a prefect' boy. He didn't really have much to say when we were introduced, he seemed really thoughtful. He reminded me of my dad a lot. Who's also an engineer.. 

So apparently Yoann will be taking over the "baby-sitting" of Rob (I so hope he's more interesting than Rob). When we looked at his team for the tour, he told us that he was working on some sort of laser beam that can pick of infra red radiation, which looked reeeaaaally cool. A lot more interesting than sitting on a computer all day, slowly developing a blood clot. Even if he gives me the job of holding equipment, I'd still be happier as that would actually make me useful. Plus the task they seem to be working on seems so much more exciting and truly innovative. 

Yeah so in summary, the day was uneventful as fuck and I sat around doing less than ever before.
Thanks a lot Rob. Hopefully tomorrow will be more interesting than the days I spent with your a boring personality

Bye.

Don't worry about keeping contact.

That won't be needed.

As I don't want to see you anymore.

Complete waste of two valuable days.

Ps: You're full of shit, which you disguise as your personality.

wow look at that child eating Rob's personality

Continuation:
My Work Experience (Day 1)
My Work Experience (Day 3)

My Work Experience (Day 1)

As some of you acne people (teenagers) may know, around this time is when the phenomenon known as "Work Experience" occurs, or as we know it: 

a week off

Well weren't we just as fucking wrong as we always are.

When my school finally told it's exhausted pupils (ie. me) about how we would soon have a 'job placement', I didn't know what the fuck to do with myself. Luckily, my mother knows this guy called Rob who interviewed her for his radio show or something and due to her great memory, she recalled him mentioning he works for a well known company (which sounded gloriously technical and worth mentioning on one of those Curriculum Vitae's). So being the dumbshit that I am, I agreed to my mother's idea of contacting this Rob guy. 

Without thinking it through.

So once again, if you wish to hear about another of my pain and misery adventures, I suggest you read on.

OK.

It was a gorgeous, sunny (yes it was actually sunny in the UK) Monday morning, but it was like 6am in the morning when I woke up. 

(I only got up that early because my hair was really greasy and what kind of good first impression could that possibly give someone)

Yeah so I got up at 6am and dragged myself out of bed and dug through my floordrobe to find something formalish. I did eventually find a dark blue floral dress with a collar (the formal bit) and some mini black heels. I believe I let my hair down as it was nice and straight and not ultra ugly for once.

So finally my mother and I left the house and drove far, far away from home to a place not known to humans named Eve.

We walked into the reception probably 10 minutes late because on the journey my mum took a wrong turning which caused her to violently scream "FUCK" repeatedly hahahaha.

As this is an official company that has something to do with the royal navy and the queen etc, I had to have this sticker put on my phone in case people, naturally, assume I am in fact a terrorist. I was also given a visitors pass that had these words written on it: 'ESCORTING REQUIRED', which is something I will come back to later.

The friendly lady behind the reception desk told me I could meet Rob at the "top of the stairs". Wait... what. 

Did she just say "stairs"?  

Yeah so after dragging myself up 4 flights of stairs, twice (I left my fucking bag downstairs), I finally made it to the top to be greeted by Rob. He lead me through this long passageway, kind of bluntly, until we arrived at the end of the passageway where I found my desk for the week that was pushed against 5 others, including his, to the left of mine. A bit like when you have to take part in a group discussion in school and you push all the desks together (but all you really debate is who the biggest whore in your school is).
Anyway, I was given a crappy Windows PC which made me mildly depressed as it reminded me of how my beautiful iMac computer was sitting at home, being unused.

I felt so out of place in that room (I know I'm supposed to because it's a Work Placement, duh, but I just didn't feel very welcome) but maybe that's just what the world of work is like everywhere.

wow that's depressing

It was so quiet, like a church or something. I felt like I was an athiest in the back row shouting: "GOD DOESN'T EXIST" that's how out of place I felt. There were geniuses everywhere. The walls had maths equations scribbled all over them. It was like putting a river fish in an ocean and I was the river fish.

Also, don't get me wrong, Rob is a very nice guy, but he's awkward as fuck. I don't know what it is but I'm just assuming he doesn't know what to treat me like (a sister, daughter, pupil etc.). It might just be because he's an engineer and engineers are known for not having a good sense of humour. My dad's an engineer and I must say he is an exception. But only because he laughs cruelly. And by that I am referring to a situation where someone get's smacked on the head with a shovel - 

that's the kind of thing he would laugh at. But I don't know what Rob's humour is.

After a brief explanation and

But what makes everything the most awkward is the fact that he doesn't want me there.

Yes I know he agreed to take me on

I just think he didn't expect me to be so much work. He probably thought he could just give me the worksheet that he gave me at the beginning of the day and I'd just get on with it but ohhhh noooo that bitch (me) was quick. I finished the worksheet in the first hour and considering there were 7 more hours of the day left, it meant he had to make up more tasks for me, on the spot.

Plus I haven't studied anything so most of the time I didn't know what the fuck he was on about so I had to keep pestering him with questions.

Ughhhh I felt like a bad egg. Plus I wasn't doing anything useful. Just bothering a hard-working man at a stressful time. I felt so useless that day. And tired. And HUNGRY.

SO FUCKING HUNGRY

I think it was someone's birthday or something because they brought in these beautiful rocky road cakes and I think I ate about 2 and a half.

Oooh that reminds me of all the action that occurred in the dinner hall that day. Lunch was at 12 and we had to enter a separate building in order to access the food hall, so we had to walk aaaall the way down the 4 flights of stairs and through some corridors etc. and I felt like I had finally been accepted as one of the 'guys'. It was like being seen with the popular kids - except these people weren't.

However, I'm not stupid and I knew exactly what was going on.
(After thinking long and hard about it..)

Anyway to help you get a better idea of what exactly was going on, I shall give you a small sample of what was running through my own mind at the time and what, presumably, the other men's minds (the ones in Rob's team) were doing:

Eve's mind: 

"OH WOW I'M SO COOL I HAVE FRIENDS NOW THEY MAY BE INTROVERTED BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE FRIENDS AND THEY LIKE ME I MUST LOOK SO COOL RIGHT NOW YEAH BITCHES EAT MY SCIENCE"

Men's minds:  

"Guys, when can we get rid of her?"

"I don't know but hopefully soon omg she is so annoying did you hear the way she was eating her rocky road cakes omg so loud has she no manners? Silly girl we can not be seen with this pig girl"

"Maybe if we ignore her she'll just leave us alone"

"Yeah make her feel really excluded"

"Ok don't make eye contact"

But it was just so obvious what they were doing. They clearly did not see me as an equal and I was just probably the 6th wheel to them or something. When we sat down at a table... things got a bit more interesting.

I revisited my memory of all the feminist videos I had watched before coming here (I knew the majority of people working in a company like this would be male) ...

AND DECIDED TO MAKE MYSELF HEARD FUCK YEAH

So as the dirty exclusionists that they are, they decided to talk about a topic they assumed I had no knowledge of.

The Airbus A380.

Now as an excellent A* predicted Geography student, I need to remember my case studies very well. 

(of course I only know little facts like how many passengers it seats, the fact that it had two floors..)

So this is what the conversation roughly went like:

Oh yeah so the circumference of the winged detail on the side of the engine is really excellent I am so proud of AirFrance for creating such a masterpiece hah hah hah. The A380 is such an impressive model har har har

Oh the AirBus A380? The one with two floors that seats 800 passengers? It is quite something isn't it? haha

How do you know about that

Oh I studied it in Geography

Why on earth would you study something like that in Geography it is completely irrelevant.

Oh it's part of the 'Globalisation' topic actually

*silence*

YEAH I FUCKING WENT THERE YOU SHITTY LITTLE BALD REGINA GEORGE

But of course being the pisshead bitches that they are, they changed the subject as soon as they realised I had something to contribute to this topic.

I don't know who the guy was who I had that conversation with, nor do I care, at all.
He is out of my life now and can just go and ruin someone else's happiness now.

BUT LET'S BE HONEST I COMPLETELY DESTROYED HIS EGO HAHAHAHA

...Which is probably why he also tried to prove me wrong when they moved onto a different topic.

Rob brought up how there's a new feature on Google Maps or something that enables you to track aeroplanes and their exact locations on the map.

Conversation as follows:

Couldn't that be dangerous with terrorism and stuff though?

But the terrorists still have to go through customs

I'm talking about aeroplane attacks, terrorists can now see the target they are planning to fly into.

*silence* 

I had a valid argument, didn't I? Was he just being ignorant? What I said made sense didn't it?
I was just trying to make conversation, you tight little arse shit. 

Why do they all hate me? Oh wait, they're engineers.
(probably not all are like this but all the ones I know of are)

Ugh anybitch, the rest of the lunch time was also ... eventful. But in a different way.

I saw Kyle
(what the fuck is he doing here, I was supposedly the only one from my school in this placement)

The Story of Kyle

I think he used to like me
He's a Teenage Pedophile

Basically, my school let us all visit a Stadium to watch two boys from our year group play in a match and I was sat next to Kyle and this other kid called Jake (he's really annoying but funny and nice).

The match was boring as fuck and we were just messing around on our phones and Kyle asked me if he could use my phone because he wanted to "play my games". I didn't really want him to because I had a picture of myself in my photos where you can kinda see the top of my boobs in a tank top.

So naturally I told him not to go through my photos for this that reason.

GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING DID.
As a punishment, I call him a pedophile to this day (I know it's not politically correct).

But sure enough I was right as he is now in a relationship with a girl in year 7 or 8
(ew, pedophile).




...Yeah so seeing him again made everything extra awkward.

I tried to wave at him... because I saw him look over... but he didn't see me waving... so I just brought my hand down awkwardly... and sat there.

so. fucking. awkward.

...And sure enough bald regina george thought he could suddenly include himself  in my business without being disregarded rudely (LIKE HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOES TO ME)

He was like:

Gurrrrrrl, who dat?

Oh just this boy in my school (now fuck off)

SO ONCE LUNCH WAS OVER

We all returned to our work spaces of pain and continued creating a pointless scatter graph of results to experiments that the company already knew, therefore what was being done was completely worthless and a waste of time (well that's what I was doing anyway).

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
This nice french guy called Monsieurgheye or something came up to me and said:

"You're having a tour of the floor we're on"

Oh goody hopefully more maths and physics equations.
Unsurprisingly, the tour was the highlight of my day and I got to see all the other (far more interesting jobs) that were happening on the very same floor that I was on. There were people who dealt with cyber security, interactive gaming (similar to kinect for XBox etc.) and a french guy working on an octocopter that videos things from the sky and sends it back to earth. It was actually really cool to see the range of jobs that happen in one company.

The only real (sort of) friend I made that day was on the tour. It was boy who was also in the company for a week, doing work experience. He was really nice and funny. Also seemed witty and intelligent..

AND THE BEST THING WAS THAT  HE ACTUALLY MADE EYE CONTACT WHEN HE SPOKE TO ME AND LAUGHED WITH ME WHEN I MADE FRIENDLY JOKES.

But that was not what was the most significant thing I notice about this young male. 

THE THING I NOTICED WAS THAT HE LOOKED AND SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE "I AM A PREFECT" BOY FROM THE INTERNET

(well I could only assume that that's what he sounded like when he was not screaming)

If you have lived under a rock for about 9 decades and are in need of a good, hearty laugh, then I suggest you watch this video before you die:

(I am so sure that was actually him because he looks exactly like him and has a deep voice omg I met 
'I am a Prefect' boy hahahahahahahaha)

So when the beautiful tour was over, I (again) returned to my desk of pain but this time I just couldn't be arsed to socialise with Rob as he is significantly dickfaced to me. 

I think for the rest of the day I just sat there at the computer and went on Pinball and Paint (I painted a desk telephone how sadistic am I = very). Until my mother picked me up like half and hour late and finally took me away from the suicidal hole known as:

'Work Experience with Rob'

So here's a summary of my (shit) day:

- Woke up at 6am (to shower etc)

- Left my house at about 9am

- Arrive at about 9:45 (15 mins late because mother took the wrong exit and we had to drive all the way down the M4 and back)

- Explanation of company by yours truly (ie. Rob who hates me for no reason)

- Work Sheet (completed after about 1 hour so basically 7 hours to do nothing)

- Rob doesn't know what to do with me so gives me a stupid job of finding out some information that will never ever benefit me in any way (plus they already know all the information)

- I finish quickly and ask him to give me more work upon which he always tells me to 'hang on' (are you fucking serious)
- Rob expects me to know everything like I'm some sort of 15 year old science/maths genius
- Makes me feel like and idiot (Just before leaving for lunch, he returned from one of his hour long leavings and I took the opportunity to ask him why the thing I did on the program didm't work.
His answer: "Oh well done you've broken it")
- Lunch at 12.
- INCREDIBLY antisocial behaviour at the dinner table. Most awkward situation of my life.
- Rest of the day he keeps disappearing without saying anything (THE TAG AROUND MY NECK SAYS FUCKING 'ESCORT REQUIRED').
- I think I fell asleep for about half an hour and nobody noticed.
- 4pm: Pinball
- Eventually paint.

Well what a constructive fucking day that was.

(but as a mildly optimistic person, I have the ability to create a moral to go with this story)

So here it is:

Don't agree to complete your Work Experience with a dick head.

Also, after thinking about it, depending on how much you wish to contribute the the people or company you will work for, choose either a place where you don't need many (or any) qualifications (if you want to be able to perform jobs that actually mean something)

OR

Complete your work experience in a company where everyone is extremely busy and highly qualified. (You'll basically just have to watch everyone and do nothing - unless you are paired with a qualified and social person who has the ability to make eye contact when you converse. In which case, go for it as they will probably show you what they do in detail and really involve you, instead of treating you like a worthless shit in the corner)

So I guess the real moral of this story is:

MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE COMPLETING YOUR WORK EXPERIENCE WITH BECAUSE THERE IS A CHANCE THEY COULD BE THE TYPE THAT HATE OTHERS FOR NO REASON

lol I took a selfie that basically summed up my whole day

this is my dream job face

Those are maths equations on the walls by the way. It was totally my type of room.

I'm going to sleep now because this post took hours to write.

Enjoy your lives everyone.

Because some people really fucking don't right now.

PS: The whole floor was cold like a freezer (this thing called air conditioning) and I think my saliva froze in my mouth.

Continuation:

My Work Experience (Day 2)
My Work Experience (Day 3)

Why Zombies Don't Exist

Ok the main reason I have decided to blog about this is because after watching this film (World War Z) on the weekend, I am still left emotionally distraught and I feel I have to somehow reassure myself. I went in completely innocently and clueless thinking this would be some sort of harmless war film
BUT OH MY FUCK WAS I WRONG

After watching the trailer and seeing that strange pile of people trying to get over a common wall, I naturally assumed it was just a bunch of puny humans trying to run away from something threatening their shitty existence.
BOY WAS I WRONG AGAIN

So here I fucking go.
(note how I have been polite enough to put this into a list for increased ease of readability your welcome)

1. How the Disease actually came about.

wow thanks writers for making this information so clear to us. 

If you yourselves don't really know how this thing that happens in the movie is possible, then how can we? Gene mutation? Zombie escaped ground and the rest is history? No? Do you need more time? 

Too late the fucking film has already been released. 

"Oh yeah it doesn't matter because there's still the sequel we can explain it then haha."

No it doesn't matter you're still late as fuck.

2. How long it took for New York to realise there was a fucking Zombie Apocalypse in process on the other side of the world.

Isn't New York supposed to be really developed and up to date etc? Would there or would there not be people who have casual mates or business contacts that could possibly inform them on something vital like how masses of people are being bitten and given rabies-like but (by fucking far) worse symptoms by none other than zombies? Is this not news that would interest people? Not only as a bit of juicy gossip but also to save their actual lives in the near future?

If those fucking crazy things were running around like that in China from the beginning, don't you think someone important may have noticed? China may be a developing country, but it does have television and social media and I'm sure they would have the chance to tweet about how a zombie is fucking eating someone next to them before things get out of hand in the way they did in that movie.

3. The military doesn't understand their enemy?

Are you fucking kidding me? I saw how those crazy shits (e.g. Gerry) were shooting them in the head in Korea and they died right before my eyes. It's basic procedure. That's how you'd kill anyone or anything else. The military would have been smart enough to figure out that those zombies were humans at some stage in their lives. They'd still have, what do you call it? 

Brains.

Organisms do not function without brains, you dumb fictional shits.

4. That dumbass zombie that caused the plane crash

Ok fine I know it's a zombie and probably has no control of itself but it's still an idiot.

BUT THE POINT IS: 

How did the zombie even end up on that plane in the first place? 

Surely that dodgy cabin crew would have checked all the rooms in a zombie infested world before take off? If there were a zombie on the plane, wouldn't someone have noticed before being hours into the flight? If that guy had been turned into a zombie on the plane, wouldn't there be another zombie around there somewhere? (WHERE YOU FUCKIN AT ZOMBIE #2) Or did some arse brained person somehow manage to trap it in that room and be great enough not to tell anybody?

I think not.

5. HOW CAN ZOMBIES EVEN EXIST

• Hey remember when that dumbfuck dog caught rabies and then the next day all the other dogs had rabies too and there were only like 4 lonely dog survivors plotting a plan to kill all the rabies dogs?

Oh that never happened? woops.

BITING IS THE SHITTIEST AND MOST INEFFICIENT WAY 

TO SPREAD A DISEASE

The best diseases, like the flu, work in a ninja-like way by passing their badness on invisibly. 

Not fucking appearing next to a victim noticeably blood thirsty and spazzing out madly like a crazy ape.

• If humans are good at anything, it's just fucking murdering everyone.

I mean we've made innocent species cease to exist without even trying. Someone's bound to shoot a zombie if they have the chance to. People wouldn't freeze in their steps like idiots, they'd pull out their guns and fucking kill those mathafackas. They don't stand a chance mwahahahahaha.

Plus, if we look at zombies as a species, they are pretty much designed for failure. (hahahahaha) 

Their main form of reproduction is also their only source of food and their top predator. If they want to eat or reproduce, they have to actually make contact with their number one predator. 

Humans have rifles, baby.

• They have too many enemies. (hateful bastards)

Why do you think humans are at the 'top of the food chain'? 

*hint: It's not because we're hard to kill. (Look at us we're just fleshy sacks waiting to be consumed)

IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE SO GOOD AT KILLING

We are simply too smart and too well-armed for any organism (this word is so fucking funny because it sounds like orgasm ahhhahaha) to hunt. Now consider the stupid (minor specie) zombie. It lacks every single advantage that has kept humanity from being eaten to extinction. It wanders around in the open like a dumbass, it's too moronic to use weapons, it can't think or use strategy (haha fuck you zombie). It doesn't even have the sense of self preservation to run and hide when it's in danger (pahahaha). 

And, it's made entirely out of food. It's easy prey for any animal that wants it. (HAHAHAHAHA)

Not to mention all those icky maggots and terrifying animals like rhinoceroses and elephants. 

We'd finally have a disease that Africa is better suited to than the rest of the world to defend itself against. (I still fucking hate zombies)

• Heat will destroy them.

Imagine a load of zombies in Africa.  Yeah you won't have to for long because of this beautiful thing called putrification. (I highly recommend looking it up it's hilarious ahahaha)

They'd just explode basically, the dumbasses.

• It's just common sense.

I'm not trying to be a massive, horrible killjoy with this bitchy little post of mine, but as I mentioned before, I am trying to regain my state of mind as I am still suffering.

The movie had cool graphics and stuff and my gay best friend kept swooning (campy) about Brad Pitt (he's fucking married get a grip), but I still fucking hate zombies.

Watch the movie anyway.

PS: 

On the way out we decided we should turn into zombies and frantic running into walls head-first is what was involved in this characterisation.

My friends headbutted a soft wall but I headbutted a concrete wall on accident.

That is all.