As some of you acne people (teenagers) may know, around this time is when the phenomenon known as "Work Experience" occurs, or as we know it:
a week off
Well weren't we just as fucking wrong as we always are.
When my school finally told it's exhausted pupils (ie. me) about how we would soon have a 'job placement', I didn't know what the fuck to do with myself. Luckily, my mother knows this guy called Rob who interviewed her for his radio show or something and due to her great memory, she recalled him mentioning he works for a well known company (which sounded gloriously technical and worth mentioning on one of those Curriculum Vitae's). So being the dumbshit that I am, I agreed to my mother's idea of contacting this Rob guy.
Without thinking it through.
So once again, if you wish to hear about another of my pain and misery adventures, I suggest you read on.
OK.
It was a gorgeous, sunny (yes it was actually sunny in the UK) Monday morning, but it was like 6am in the morning when I woke up.
(I only got up that early because my hair was really greasy and what kind of good first impression could that possibly give someone)
Yeah so I got up at 6am and dragged myself out of bed and dug through my floordrobe to find something formalish. I did eventually find a dark blue floral dress with a collar (the formal bit) and some mini black heels. I believe I let my hair down as it was nice and straight and not ultra ugly for once.
So finally my mother and I left the house and drove far, far away from home to a place not known to humans named Eve.
We walked into the reception probably 10 minutes late because on the journey my mum took a wrong turning which caused her to violently scream "FUCK" repeatedly hahahaha.
As this is an official company that has something to do with the royal navy and the queen etc, I had to have this sticker put on my phone in case people, naturally, assume I am in fact a terrorist. I was also given a visitors pass that had these words written on it: 'ESCORTING REQUIRED', which is something I will come back to later.
The friendly lady behind the reception desk told me I could meet Rob at the "top of the stairs". Wait... what.
Did she just say "stairs"?
Yeah so after dragging myself up 4 flights of stairs, twice (I left my fucking bag downstairs), I finally made it to the top to be greeted by Rob. He lead me through this long passageway, kind of bluntly, until we arrived at the end of the passageway where I found my desk for the week that was pushed against 5 others, including his, to the left of mine. A bit like when you have to take part in a group discussion in school and you push all the desks together (but all you really debate is who the biggest whore in your school is).
Anyway, I was given a crappy Windows PC which made me mildly depressed as it reminded me of how my beautiful iMac computer was sitting at home, being unused.
Anyway, I was given a crappy Windows PC which made me mildly depressed as it reminded me of how my beautiful iMac computer was sitting at home, being unused.
I felt so out of place in that room (I know I'm supposed to because it's a Work Placement, duh, but I just didn't feel very welcome) but maybe that's just what the world of work is like everywhere.
wow that's depressing
It was so quiet, like a church or something. I felt like I was an athiest in the back row shouting: "GOD DOESN'T EXIST" that's how out of place I felt. There were geniuses everywhere. The walls had maths equations scribbled all over them. It was like putting a river fish in an ocean and I was the river fish.
It was so quiet, like a church or something. I felt like I was an athiest in the back row shouting: "GOD DOESN'T EXIST" that's how out of place I felt. There were geniuses everywhere. The walls had maths equations scribbled all over them. It was like putting a river fish in an ocean and I was the river fish.
Also, don't get me wrong, Rob is a very nice guy, but he's awkward as fuck. I don't know what it is but I'm just assuming he doesn't know what to treat me like (a sister, daughter, pupil etc.). It might just be because he's an engineer and engineers are known for not having a good sense of humour. My dad's an engineer and I must say he is an exception. But only because he laughs cruelly. And by that I am referring to a situation where someone get's smacked on the head with a shovel -
that's the kind of thing he would laugh at. But I don't know what Rob's humour is.
After a brief explanation and
But what makes everything the most awkward is the fact that he doesn't want me there.
Yes I know he agreed to take me on
I just think he didn't expect me to be so much work. He probably thought he could just give me the worksheet that he gave me at the beginning of the day and I'd just get on with it but ohhhh noooo that bitch (me) was quick. I finished the worksheet in the first hour and considering there were 7 more hours of the day left, it meant he had to make up more tasks for me, on the spot.
Plus I haven't studied anything so most of the time I didn't know what the fuck he was on about so I had to keep pestering him with questions.
Ughhhh I felt like a bad egg. Plus I wasn't doing anything useful. Just bothering a hard-working man at a stressful time. I felt so useless that day. And tired. And HUNGRY.
SO FUCKING HUNGRY
I think it was someone's birthday or something because they brought in these beautiful rocky road cakes and I think I ate about 2 and a half.
Oooh that reminds me of all the action that occurred in the dinner hall that day. Lunch was at 12 and we had to enter a separate building in order to access the food hall, so we had to walk aaaall the way down the 4 flights of stairs and through some corridors etc. and I felt like I had finally been accepted as one of the 'guys'. It was like being seen with the popular kids - except these people weren't.
However, I'm not stupid and I knew exactly what was going on.
(After thinking long and hard about it..)
Anyway to help you get a better idea of what exactly was going on, I shall give you a small sample of what was running through my own mind at the time and what, presumably, the other men's minds (the ones in Rob's team) were doing:
But of course being the pisshead bitches that they are, they changed the subject as soon as they realised I had something to contribute to this topic.
I don't know who the guy was who I had that conversation with, nor do I care, at all.
He is out of my life now and can just go and ruin someone else's happiness now.
BUT LET'S BE HONEST I COMPLETELY DESTROYED HIS EGO HAHAHAHA
...Which is probably why he also tried to prove me wrong when they moved onto a different topic.
Rob brought up how there's a new feature on Google Maps or something that enables you to track aeroplanes and their exact locations on the map.
Conversation as follows:
I was just trying to make conversation, you tight little arse shit.
After a brief explanation and
But what makes everything the most awkward is the fact that he doesn't want me there.
Yes I know he agreed to take me on
I just think he didn't expect me to be so much work. He probably thought he could just give me the worksheet that he gave me at the beginning of the day and I'd just get on with it but ohhhh noooo that bitch (me) was quick. I finished the worksheet in the first hour and considering there were 7 more hours of the day left, it meant he had to make up more tasks for me, on the spot.
Plus I haven't studied anything so most of the time I didn't know what the fuck he was on about so I had to keep pestering him with questions.
Ughhhh I felt like a bad egg. Plus I wasn't doing anything useful. Just bothering a hard-working man at a stressful time. I felt so useless that day. And tired. And HUNGRY.
SO FUCKING HUNGRY
I think it was someone's birthday or something because they brought in these beautiful rocky road cakes and I think I ate about 2 and a half.
Oooh that reminds me of all the action that occurred in the dinner hall that day. Lunch was at 12 and we had to enter a separate building in order to access the food hall, so we had to walk aaaall the way down the 4 flights of stairs and through some corridors etc. and I felt like I had finally been accepted as one of the 'guys'. It was like being seen with the popular kids - except these people weren't.
However, I'm not stupid and I knew exactly what was going on.
(After thinking long and hard about it..)
Anyway to help you get a better idea of what exactly was going on, I shall give you a small sample of what was running through my own mind at the time and what, presumably, the other men's minds (the ones in Rob's team) were doing:
Eve's mind:
"OH WOW I'M SO COOL I HAVE FRIENDS NOW THEY MAY BE INTROVERTED BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE FRIENDS AND THEY LIKE ME I MUST LOOK SO COOL RIGHT NOW YEAH BITCHES EAT MY SCIENCE"
Men's minds:
"Guys, when can we get rid of her?"
"I don't know but hopefully soon omg she is so annoying did you hear the way she was eating her rocky road cakes omg so loud has she no manners? Silly girl we can not be seen with this pig girl"
"Maybe if we ignore her she'll just leave us alone"
"Yeah make her feel really excluded"
"Ok don't make eye contact"
But it was just so obvious what they were doing. They clearly did not see me as an equal and I was just probably the 6th wheel to them or something. When we sat down at a table... things got a bit more interesting.
I revisited my memory of all the feminist videos I had watched before coming here (I knew the majority of people working in a company like this would be male) ...
AND DECIDED TO MAKE MYSELF HEARD FUCK YEAH
So as the dirty exclusionists that they are, they decided to talk about a topic they assumed I had no knowledge of.
The Airbus A380.
Now as an excellent A* predicted Geography student, I need to remember my case studies very well.
(of course I only know little facts like how many passengers it seats, the fact that it had two floors..)
So this is what the conversation roughly went like:
Oh yeah so the circumference of the winged detail on the side of the engine is really excellent I am so proud of AirFrance for creating such a masterpiece hah hah hah. The A380 is such an impressive model har har har
Oh the AirBus A380? The one with two floors that seats 800 passengers? It is quite something isn't it? haha
How do you know about that
Oh I studied it in Geography
Why on earth would you study something like that in Geography it is completely irrelevant.
Oh it's part of the 'Globalisation' topic actually
*silence*YEAH I FUCKING WENT THERE YOU SHITTY LITTLE BALD REGINA GEORGE
But of course being the pisshead bitches that they are, they changed the subject as soon as they realised I had something to contribute to this topic.
I don't know who the guy was who I had that conversation with, nor do I care, at all.
He is out of my life now and can just go and ruin someone else's happiness now.
BUT LET'S BE HONEST I COMPLETELY DESTROYED HIS EGO HAHAHAHA
...Which is probably why he also tried to prove me wrong when they moved onto a different topic.
Rob brought up how there's a new feature on Google Maps or something that enables you to track aeroplanes and their exact locations on the map.
Conversation as follows:
Couldn't that be dangerous with terrorism and stuff though?
But the terrorists still have to go through customs
I'm talking about aeroplane attacks, terrorists can now see the target they are planning to fly into.
*silence*I had a valid argument, didn't I? Was he just being ignorant? What I said made sense didn't it?
I was just trying to make conversation, you tight little arse shit.
Why do they all hate me? Oh wait, they're engineers.
(probably not all are like this but all the ones I know of are)
Ugh anybitch, the rest of the lunch time was also ... eventful. But in a different way.
I saw Kyle
(what the fuck is he doing here, I was supposedly the only one from my school in this placement)
The Story of Kyle
I think he used to like me
He's a Teenage Pedophile
Basically, my school let us all visit a Stadium to watch two boys from our year group play in a match and I was sat next to Kyle and this other kid called Jake (he's really annoying but funny and nice).
The match was boring as fuck and we were just messing around on our phones and Kyle asked me if he could use my phone because he wanted to "play my games". I didn't really want him to because I had a picture of myself in my photos where you can kinda see the top of my boobs in a tank top.
So naturally I told him not to go through my photos for this that reason.
GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING DID.
As a punishment, I call him a pedophile to this day (I know it's not politically correct).
But sure enough I was right as he is now in a relationship with a girl in year 7 or 8
(ew, pedophile).
...Yeah so seeing him again made everything extra awkward.
I tried to wave at him... because I saw him look over... but he didn't see me waving... so I just brought my hand down awkwardly... and sat there.
so. fucking. awkward.
...And sure enough bald regina george thought he could suddenly include himself in my business without being disregarded rudely (LIKE HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOES TO ME)
He was like:
SO ONCE LUNCH WAS OVER
We all returned to our work spaces of pain and continued creating a pointless scatter graph of results to experiments that the company already knew, therefore what was being done was completely worthless and a waste of time (well that's what I was doing anyway).
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
This nice french guy called Monsieurgheye or something came up to me and said:
Unsurprisingly, the tour was the highlight of my day and I got to see all the other (far more interesting jobs) that were happening on the very same floor that I was on. There were people who dealt with cyber security, interactive gaming (similar to kinect for XBox etc.) and a french guy working on an octocopter that videos things from the sky and sends it back to earth. It was actually really cool to see the range of jobs that happen in one company.
The only real (sort of) friend I made that day was on the tour. It was boy who was also in the company for a week, doing work experience. He was really nice and funny. Also seemed witty and intelligent..
AND THE BEST THING WAS THAT HE ACTUALLY MADE EYE CONTACT WHEN HE SPOKE TO ME AND LAUGHED WITH ME WHEN I MADE FRIENDLY JOKES.
But that was not what was the most significant thing I notice about this young male.
(probably not all are like this but all the ones I know of are)
Ugh anybitch, the rest of the lunch time was also ... eventful. But in a different way.
I saw Kyle
(what the fuck is he doing here, I was supposedly the only one from my school in this placement)
The Story of Kyle
I think he used to like me
He's a Teenage Pedophile
Basically, my school let us all visit a Stadium to watch two boys from our year group play in a match and I was sat next to Kyle and this other kid called Jake (he's really annoying but funny and nice).
The match was boring as fuck and we were just messing around on our phones and Kyle asked me if he could use my phone because he wanted to "play my games". I didn't really want him to because I had a picture of myself in my photos where you can kinda see the top of my boobs in a tank top.
So naturally I told him not to go through my photos for this that reason.
GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING DID.
As a punishment, I call him a pedophile to this day (I know it's not politically correct).
But sure enough I was right as he is now in a relationship with a girl in year 7 or 8
(ew, pedophile).
...Yeah so seeing him again made everything extra awkward.
I tried to wave at him... because I saw him look over... but he didn't see me waving... so I just brought my hand down awkwardly... and sat there.
so. fucking. awkward.
...And sure enough bald regina george thought he could suddenly include himself in my business without being disregarded rudely (LIKE HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOES TO ME)
He was like:
Gurrrrrrl, who dat?
Oh just this boy in my school (now fuck off)
SO ONCE LUNCH WAS OVER
We all returned to our work spaces of pain and continued creating a pointless scatter graph of results to experiments that the company already knew, therefore what was being done was completely worthless and a waste of time (well that's what I was doing anyway).
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
This nice french guy called Monsieurgheye or something came up to me and said:
"You're having a tour of the floor we're on"Oh goody hopefully more maths and physics equations.
Unsurprisingly, the tour was the highlight of my day and I got to see all the other (far more interesting jobs) that were happening on the very same floor that I was on. There were people who dealt with cyber security, interactive gaming (similar to kinect for XBox etc.) and a french guy working on an octocopter that videos things from the sky and sends it back to earth. It was actually really cool to see the range of jobs that happen in one company.
The only real (sort of) friend I made that day was on the tour. It was boy who was also in the company for a week, doing work experience. He was really nice and funny. Also seemed witty and intelligent..
AND THE BEST THING WAS THAT HE ACTUALLY MADE EYE CONTACT WHEN HE SPOKE TO ME AND LAUGHED WITH ME WHEN I MADE FRIENDLY JOKES.
But that was not what was the most significant thing I notice about this young male.
THE THING I NOTICED WAS THAT HE LOOKED AND SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE "I AM A PREFECT" BOY FROM THE INTERNET
(well I could only assume that that's what he sounded like when he was not screaming)
If you have lived under a rock for about 9 decades and are in need of a good, hearty laugh, then I suggest you watch this video before you die:
(I am so sure that was actually him because he looks exactly like him and has a deep voice omg I met
'I am a Prefect' boy hahahahahahahaha)
'I am a Prefect' boy hahahahahahahaha)
So when the beautiful tour was over, I (again) returned to my desk of pain but this time I just couldn't be arsed to socialise with Rob as he is significantly dickfaced to me.
I think for the rest of the day I just sat there at the computer and went on Pinball and Paint (I painted a desk telephone how sadistic am I = very). Until my mother picked me up like half and hour late and finally took me away from the suicidal hole known as:
'Work Experience with Rob'
So here's a summary of my (shit) day:
- Woke up at 6am (to shower etc)
- Left my house at about 9am
- Arrive at about 9:45 (15 mins late because mother took the wrong exit and we had to drive all the way down the M4 and back)
- Explanation of company by yours truly (ie. Rob who hates me for no reason)
- Work Sheet (completed after about 1 hour so basically 7 hours to do nothing)
- Rob doesn't know what to do with me so gives me a stupid job of finding out some information that will never ever benefit me in any way (plus they already know all the information)
- I finish quickly and ask him to give me more work upon which he always tells me to 'hang on' (are you fucking serious)
- Rob expects me to know everything like I'm some sort of 15 year old science/maths genius
- Makes me feel like and idiot (Just before leaving for lunch, he returned from one of his hour long leavings and I took the opportunity to ask him why the thing I did on the program didm't work.
His answer: "Oh well done you've broken it")
- Lunch at 12.
- INCREDIBLY antisocial behaviour at the dinner table. Most awkward situation of my life.
- Rest of the day he keeps disappearing without saying anything (THE TAG AROUND MY NECK SAYS FUCKING 'ESCORT REQUIRED').
- I think I fell asleep for about half an hour and nobody noticed.
- 4pm: Pinball
- Eventually paint.
Well what a constructive fucking day that was.
(but as a mildly optimistic person, I have the ability to create a moral to go with this story)
- Rob expects me to know everything like I'm some sort of 15 year old science/maths genius
- Makes me feel like and idiot (Just before leaving for lunch, he returned from one of his hour long leavings and I took the opportunity to ask him why the thing I did on the program didm't work.
His answer: "Oh well done you've broken it")
- Lunch at 12.
- INCREDIBLY antisocial behaviour at the dinner table. Most awkward situation of my life.
- Rest of the day he keeps disappearing without saying anything (THE TAG AROUND MY NECK SAYS FUCKING 'ESCORT REQUIRED').
- I think I fell asleep for about half an hour and nobody noticed.
- 4pm: Pinball
- Eventually paint.
Well what a constructive fucking day that was.
(but as a mildly optimistic person, I have the ability to create a moral to go with this story)
So here it is:
Don't agree to complete your Work Experience with a dick head.
Also, after thinking about it, depending on how much you wish to contribute the the people or company you will work for, choose either a place where you don't need many (or any) qualifications (if you want to be able to perform jobs that actually mean something)
OR
Complete your work experience in a company where everyone is extremely busy and highly qualified. (You'll basically just have to watch everyone and do nothing - unless you are paired with a qualified and social person who has the ability to make eye contact when you converse. In which case, go for it as they will probably show you what they do in detail and really involve you, instead of treating you like a worthless shit in the corner)
So I guess the real moral of this story is:
MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE COMPLETING YOUR WORK EXPERIENCE WITH BECAUSE THERE IS A CHANCE THEY COULD BE THE TYPE THAT HATE OTHERS FOR NO REASON
lol I took a selfie that basically summed up my whole day
 |
| this is my dream job face |
I'm going to sleep now because this post took hours to write.
Enjoy your lives everyone.
Because some people really fucking don't right now.
PS: The whole floor was cold like a freezer (this thing called air conditioning) and I think my saliva froze in my mouth.
Continuation:
No comments:
Post a Comment